Your blessings is important to me.

As I read my previous post, it does sound like some grousing of a dissatisfied employee, cursing the whole world and lamenting on his own poor life. Actually, I am not complaining nor angry. I know complaning is useless and retaliation is futile. I'd like to think I am just taking a positive step towards solving my issues before it's too late. (We've always been taught to solve our own problems anyway). I am not leaving because I am unhappy. I just want to be happier. :) hahaha But really...I just want to take up an opportunity in a new environment before I get too old or too complacent.

Opportunity don't knock on a daily basis and I was taught to seize the day and grab the bull by its horns. Yes, I will be facing a lot of uncertainties but it will be a challenge that I have to take.

Wish me all the best and I really hope to go with your blessings rather than being cursed. I sincerely wish all of us success and happiness in everything we do.

Breaking off

As I updated my resume, I feel extremely sad. Embarassed actually. During my last 10 loyal years with my current company, I noticed that the company didn't really develope me. My professional/technical training column remains almost the same as it was 10 years ago. So there was no accolades to show or anything to shout about if the new employer interviews me on personal or technical development. And I have to pray that they don't delve into this department of my resume which luckily, they really didn't. How pathetic is that!!

Can you imagine, during my short stint of 6 months in a vendor company prior to my current job, I was given 3 trainings to equip me with facing a very difficult project and a very difficult customer (Citibank). 3 trainings in 6 months compared to 0 in 10 year. My point was, that company was willing to develope their staff as a person. They are willing to give as much as they are taking from us. Ok, you may wonder why I left the vendor company if it has developed me so well. Umm, there was another complicated issue back then... and the reason I left was purely personal and has nothing to do with the company. :)

I have always been a simple person. I dont ask for much, have always been nice and giving. Thus has always been the victim of being short changed. But I didnt mind as Mom always brought me up to be optimistic and be humble and be thankful for what I have. And that's why I have been just thankful for last 10 years. In other words, I am turning complacent.

And that's the last thing I want to be. I mean, c'mon, I'm still young. The road ahead of me is still long. I can't start to be complacent now. And because I wasnt much of a trouble maker and practically a workhorse, my current company thinks that I am docile. And as such, they have been happily torturing me for the last 5 years, thinking I will grow old with them as a good old obedient horse. It's worse when we see horses that seem to work less from the next stable being fed better grass only because they make more noise

The company have to understand that staff are human beings, not robot and feeds on the social biscuit just the same. And to eat that social biscuit, we need money to buy it first. So if they cannot send me for trainings, it's ok, please pay me well enough and I will go for the trainings myself. And it was my own intiative to do the MBA ... with my own money. I know that my company harps on the benefits of on-the-job training rather than professional training but seriously, they need to realise that there needs to be a balance. To have better quality work, fresh ideas and a more professional perspective and attitude towards the job, we have to inject some good professional training into the company's staff. The level of professionalism needs to be upgraded with injection of outside ideas and dynamic teachings, in order not to breed a dead pool of complacent staff.

Maybe I cannot blame my superiors because they are training me the way they best know how because they themselves do not have proper trainings themselves.

I have invested 10 years of my youth in a company that was unwilling (or forgot?) to invest in me. Perhaps they were afraid that I might leave after training me. This is so shallow of them. I have shown them again and again how passionate I was with my job with my commitment to delivery and acceptance to change without complains. And they should know by now that if I am passionate about something, I can put 101% of dedication to the issue to achieve amazing results. Toastmaster itself has helped shown this side of me but alas, management doesn't recognises this. And because of that, I have lost my passion for toasting and have resigned from the toastmaster's club. It' a shame I know, but what's the point of doing it when your heart is not there

As such, it's time to think for myself again, as the company won't think for me. Time to move on to something more concrete than holding on to empty promises. I do not have another 10 years of youth to waste. Actually, it's much like a boy-girl relationship. Why do people break off? There are many factors, but essentially, it's because one or both parties are not getting what they want from the relationship and don't see the potential to reap what they sow...and all these small small depressed feelings will eventually turn into unhappiness which will stress the relationship.

Breaking off with the company is much less complicated that a relationship breakoff but the essense is similar and no less painful. There will be a lot of reasons but there is only one result - which is going separate ways. How, where to, why, what happened and who instigated is all immaterial as everything that can be done should have happened during that 10 years and not when one party become so stressed out that they have to call it quits.

As I walk to office with a heavy heart on Monday, (as usual, breaking off carries a lot of guilt especially with a such a long term relationship), I have to remind myself that I have to be proud that I am finally taking this brave step and doing something for myself and my own future.

Atta girl... pat yourself on the back.. :)

*Breath a sigh of relieve.....*

Jokes

Little b is picking up on telling silly jokes nowadays.

He came to ask me suddenly, "Mom, why do gorilla have big nostrils?"
Then he answered by himself, "Because they have big fingers!" and went on to laugh a hearty laugh and I cannot help but laugh at his clownish antics..

He went on to ask, "What kind of nuts are not hard?"
"A donut! Wohahahahaha...Get it? A doNUT. Oooohahhahaaha."

Little b picked up all these jokes from the Cartoon Network and was practising them on me... he even wrote them down in his own "joke book", which was made-shift from one of his school exercise book.... I found that exercise book on his desk when I came home one night and did my routine check on his bag. It immediately brought a smile to my weary face.. :)

Anyway, Michael Schumacher is made his comeback in a Mercedes on the F1 race track today. It's big news on the race track in Bahrain as he managed to clinch the 7th place on the grid, the same starting position as his debut race at Spa, Belgium in 1991. Everyone is expecting some kind of magic from this seven-time champion.

Yes, it's big news alright... but I was busy washing the dishes when the race was about to start. So Big B asks little b to convey the message about Michael Schumacher's comeback to me.

Big B said, "Go tell mommy that Michael Schumacher is back."

Little b obeyed the instruction with a quick "Okay!" and proceeded to dash high speed towards the kitchen while yelling, "Mom, Michael Jackson is BAD!" ....

I couldn't help but laugh at silly little b... That was one of his funniest jokes yet... :) And the best thing was, he told it with a straight face. Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrhahahahaa...