Losing my touch

Hardly have the time to write these days.. .

And when I look back at my recent frail attempts to blog.....OMG!!! They sux big time...

It was like....I was just trying to write something... anything, just to write something... and it turns out to be a really really bad,crazy attempt. I am telling myself, "Don't ever do that again...."

I haven't been blogging for, like 1000 years... I am losing touch with flowery words and catchy phrases and witty one liners... Can't think of any... and bummer, it's already bed time.... I am losing touch... England is leaving me... :*(

Good nite...

Rock

I wish I was hard as a rock mountain,

Being able to be selfish and unbudging...

Being able to withstand all kinds of weather, without a single word...

But alas, I am not...

I am just being pinned down by a rock... unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to say a single word..

Sufferng in silence... for a rock...

Miss Clumsy

Cant believe that the CNY predictions are so accurate... This Miss Clumsy slipped and fell flat on her bum yesterday. And now I can't sit for long. I can't enjoy my favourite passtime of web-surfing without risk feeling that sharp, piercing painful pull on the tip of my backbone after sittng for 10 minutes. This is torture. Going up the stairs makes me feel like an old lady. When I got in and out of the car, my slow-motion back breaking expression makes little b exclaim, "You're getting old, mom..."

Ohhh... this is frustrating. I hate the feeling of being helpless. It's so depressing. It makes me vulnerable. It makes me crave for attention.... makes me yearn for loads of pampering and TLC... makes me wanna cry for help....

But I can't or I won't because I was brought up with the notion "to help ourselves first before seeking help". Seeking help should be the last resort....

And these 2 conflicting internal emotions are taking a toil on me. The normally patient and composed me has turned into a short-fused unreasonable monster, short of being foul-mouth.

However, I still don't feel sorry for the nurse who made me wait 20 minutes for my painkillers which I probably wouldn't consume. And she has the cheek to tell me that she was on the phone. There were 3 staff and all 3 were chatting away and I patiently waited at the empty clinic (I was the last of a series of patients and the wait for the consultation itself took me around 30 minutes). I was kept busy with Bryan's funny school stories for the first 20 minutes until I realised 2 other walk-in customers taking their medication before me and I went into RAGING MAD MODE. I stood up and ask the other 2 nurses, who wasn't on the phone, to pass me my medication as I have been waiting for almost an hour. They just stared blankly at me. The woman finally put down the phone and started to look irritated by saying, "Mana ada 1 hour. Just now I couldn't serve you because on the line..."

I told her to shut up, stop wasting time and to prepare the medication and swipe my card. I also started scolding them about their incompetence. And they didn't have the courtesy of saying sorry. Really stupid. I was sooo freaking angry, that when I left, I criticised the stupid fat woman (don't even think she's a qualified nurse), "Don't even know how to say sorry! No manners!"

And then I left the clinic in a huff, only to realised I had forgotten my receipt. I went back, still in raging mad mode, demanding for the receipt. Initially, they said they couldn't print it again since I didnt request for one earlier. Then they tried to press one of the buttons on the credit card swipe machine, and the receipt was printed out. I was still so boiling furious that I scolded her, "Bodoh!" as I took the receipt and left again ... for good.

I know, I know, I have been unreasonable for scolding them, but given my situation, I bet you all would have reacted the same way (if not worse!)... And to top off all of those internal topsy turvy mixed up feelings, I have to suffer from PMS too. Arghhhh...

Maybe I went to the doctor for wrong ailment, thus getting the wrong presciptions. Maybe I should've just gone to a spa and have a good looking masseur pamper me instead of getting all tensed up with those incompetent nurses!

Any prescriptions for internal emotional turmoil, anyone?

Pictures source: www.123rf.com

Lazy Sunday Afternoon... by the Rain Doctor

Hmm.... they say, "Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice... "

"Bullocks!", I say.

There's no other surefire way to make rain than letting me do the following things, (as I found out earlier but confirmed today):

1) Put some freshly washed clothes out in the sun to dry. And then go out for lunch and groceries. (or as a matter of fact, just go out, as you'd be back within the hour or two, thinking, "Hey, it's such a sunny day, it can't possibly rain, can it?")

2) Take your car to the car wash.

These 2 works for me EVERY TIME.

Each time I go out, I think to myself, "I can't have such 'good luck' to have the rain each time I sun-dry my clothes." Besides, I'm just going for brunch and some groceries nearby, I won't be long. And it's such a nice sunny day. I am just short of checking the weather forecast. And yep, each time, whenever I reached home, I am greeted with dripping wet clothes and someone grinning behind my back that I need to re-do my laundry again! I am tempted to shout "Why do bad things happen to good people?" (like how silly Ross did in one of the episodes in the sitcom 'Friends')

And let's not talk about car wash. It even drizzles just as I leave the car wash. And it doesn't matter where or when I do it. It even rained after lunch when I took my car to the carwash on a weekday during lunch!

You might as well call me the Rain Doctor.

Yep, I just reconfirmed my powers today. All I wanted was to enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon today but guess that's not going to happen. Was forced out of bed by Big B as he was hungry and wanted breakfast. Well, to be fair, it was already 10:30 and little b must have been hungry too. I dragged my lazy self up. After what seems to be forever to Big B and little b, we got ready to go, and I thought, "What a beautiful sunny day. I should let the clothes get a bit of sun. Besides, we won't be long." I carefully took the clothes out to meet the sun even though they are already 80% dry due to the wind from yesterday. And then, I literally jumped into the moving car, because the 2 hungry lions were glaring at me as though they were ready to pounce and devour me if I were to keep them away from their food for 1 more minute. (umm, actually it was around 12 already)

Brunch went on fine, and so did our grocery-shopping. When we stepped out of the hypermarket, the sun was STILL bright and sunny. And just as we load our stuffs into the car, it started to drizzle. And mind you, the day was still BRIGHT and SUNNY! As we drive back, which only about 5 minutes, it rained cats and dogs! And big B had to rub salt into the wound by saying, "Yeah, this things happens to lazy people!" I was just thin line away from giving him a shiner, when the phone rang. Talk about being saved by the bell!

Another ironic thing was, as I stepped into the house, the "cats and dogs" rain has fizzled out. The sun was still out. Well, to look on the "bright" side, I still get to sun my clothes after re-washing them.

Yawn... Think I'll just go for a short afternoon nap to salvage whatever that's left of my Lazy Sunday Afternoon....

Lethargic on a Saturday morning

Dont seem to wanna do anything this morning. Big B has gone for golf, and little b has gone to his cousin's. I am suppose to do some chore but due to the slight hangover, I am procrastinating. sigh... just wanna sleep but I can't ... the headache is bothersome. Furthermore, the maids are still downstairs and I am still waiting for little b's return... should be any minute now.

It was one hell of a week ... but I am too lethargic to write about it... coz it's mostly stuffs at work... and drama about my car...

Oh, guess I'd just go back to watching Friends, and laze around for abit.... Don't even feel like going out, as lunch is already "provided" at home.. :P (Big B had cooked before he left...)

What are the odds?

Just what are the odds of this happening... me cutting my left toe on a glass door. I can't understand how I managed to get my foot caught under the door but it did... and I ended up getting 3 stitches for my carelessness.. bummer...

As I look back now, it's a pretty amusing (aka comical) event. After cutting my foot (around 6pm), I rushed back to my seat, clammering for tissues. There weren't much blood then, just an open gap. Just at that very crucial moment, GJ needed me for an important discussion. I told him I hurt my foot; half laughing as it sounded like a cheesy excuse to dodge the meeting, but still went on to sit in SC's cubicle, waiting for the rest to come back from their toilet/cigarette break. GJ and Phil saw the blood, and cringed. As my toe bathe in blood, I decided I couldn't proceed with the meeting and excused myself in a hurry. As I fled, they holler to remind me to come tomorrow and I reassured them on my way out, "Don't worry, you can always conference call me." (I overheard GJ assuring Phil, "Don't think she'll go on MC with just a cut on the toe.")

My second piece of tissue paper were soaking up in a hurry as I waited for the lift... I couldn't bear to look as I rushed to the car park as I fear I might leave a messy bloody trail. All I know was my shoes was soaking wet with my blood. In the car, I realised that I had run out of tissues!! OMG! So I did the only logical thing I could think of at that time...., I tore my pantihose to stop the profusely flowing blood and began to drive off to the nearest doctor which I knew... and I only new doctors in PJ!!! Yep, I guess you would faint if you saw the blood bath. And guess what, I didn't faint because all I could think of at that time was how messed up the carpet of my car and my shoes was hahahah... I can't help it, the cleanliness freak in me kicks in when I least expected her!!!

Luckily, there were minimal traffic and I reached the clinic after about 45 minutes. (Yep, I didn't bleed to death although I felt numbness). The doctor just came back from somewhere and there was only 1 lady before me. This is good news, or so I thought... That lady went into the consultation room for what felt like hours! Even after I went to the washroom, washed the bloodstains from my hands and fingernails, also cleaned up my other toes which was all caked with dried blood, even cleaned my other foot from blood (due to the soiled carpet), and made a couple of phonecalls, she was still in the room! She finally came out of the room and the doctor still didn't call upon me. What's going on? Later the doctor told me that the ADT alarm system in his home had triggered and he was busy complaining to the alarm system company of the blunder which has caused him to go home to check earlier.

The Indian doctor took a look at my toe and said it needed sticthes and asked the nurse to clean the wound first. She told me to lie on the PVC bed and switched on an old, dim, orange-light lamp to shine my toe. The lamp was so old that it couldn't stand up straight and slowly fell lower and lower as if it, too, wanted to examine my toe closely.

Then the doctor came with a white plastic bag package and reprimanded the nurse, "Don't use those, those are used 50 years ago. This is sanitised, use once and throw." The funny thing was, he didn't wash his hands when handling those "sanitised" equipments. And the gloves he tried to put on, tore twice and the second time, he chose to ignore and use the torn gloves. I began to look around and wonder if I had gone to the correct clinic. The dim lights and old equipment really reminded me of those gory illegal "abortion" operation rooms that often appear in B-grade horror movies. Shivers sneaked up my spines, and I gulped when I asked the doctor, "Doctor, can you check again to see if it really need stitches?"

He was annoyed and said, "If it didn't, I wouldn't recommend so." He proceeded to fix the drooping rusty lamp with the gloved hands (which was still torn... yeah, ewe!... septic!... yucks!...) And then he jabbed my toe with what I think was local anesthetic (Ironically, it was SOOOO PAINFUL!!! OUCH!) and began to stitch. All these happened without a word from the doctor, nothing to allow me to brace myself for what's coming up next.

Next, the needle wasn't curvy enough for the procedure on the skin on my toe, and thus he used the same fingers which had just fixed the rusty lamp to bend the needle. I just cringe and try to ignore the mental flashes of those abortion/Frankenstien horror movies. As he adjusted the needle, I was worried that his forceps might accidentally scrap my leg and blurted, "Your scalpel may poke my leg!" Doctor wasn't too pleased with me speaking my mind and said, "These are forceps dear, and they are blunt and can't hurt you." Gez, doctor, you think I am a medical student or something...???

After 3 sticthes and pints of blood later (and a lot of grumbling and grousing of the ADT alarm services to his nurse), everything was done. I sat up, trying to slip on my Scholl slippers when suddenly the doctor waved a needle in front of me. Before I could ask him what it was for, he already poked the needle into my left arm. As he administered the jab, the nurse assured me with a worried face that, "Itu mesti punya..." Hello, I need to know what you are injecting into me no matter how necessary the jab was. I later found out that it was a Tetanus jab, so you won't see me rolling on the floor with lockjaw and muscle spasm.

Doctor didn't say a word and went on to write some stuffs in my record and I went on to sit down on the patient chair beside him. I was waiting for him to say something, and was taken aback with his emotionless question, "Yes?"

It was like he was telling me, "The procedure is over, why are you still here?" I was stunned, but still proceeded to ask, "Ummm, is there any food I should avoid? Do I need any medication?"

Doctor suddenly changed his hostile behaviour (doctors are so erratic!) and looked up, "Oh, I am sorry. Was disrupted by the stupid ADT." In between his humdrums I got the following prescriptions:

1) avoid getting the bandage wet and come back to dress the wound every 2 days
2) there's no dietary restrictions, so I can eat anything
3) finish the antibiotics and vitamin C
4) Don't go to work for a few days and don't walk around too much to avoid infection.

MC? Great! But not such a good news for my boss, I suppose... hahaha

And when I reached home, I found that B couldn't walk. His right foot was swollen and bruised from an accident during Futsal.

Now what are the odds of these things happening!


Image source from http://www.inmagine.com/

Faking it

Recently, I have been down and out.
But I needed to move on.
I have to.
You wanted me to.
There's nothing I can do about it,
even though I can't (or dont want to) let go.

I seek solace in gays.
I drown myself in liquor.
I almost tried smoking.
I even tried poppy...
Nothing works...

So I tell myself that I have to be brave.
If you can do it, so must I.
And I put on a brave front.
I thread on.
There's so much that the eyes can see.
But I choose to close it.
I just turn a blind eye.
I pretend I don't see.
But I do.
I do know what's going on.

I know, but I keep quiet.
I know, but I stay strong.
I know, but I don't ask.
And it hurts to know.

You see me happy.
I try to be.
It's the only thing I can be.
It's the only thing I know how to be.
In fact, I know, I am happy just to see you.

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The author is facing slight depression after finding a strand of white hair when looking into the mirror this morning! So she's asking the lady in the mirror to age gracefully. We all know that it's never easy to let go of youth... Wish her luck.... :)

Note: I am not a girl, but still not yet an auntie.... (sung to the tune of Britney Spears' I am not a girl, not yet a woman.)

(Pictures courtesy of Inmagine http://www.inmagine.com/)

Night Out at Poppy

Ahhhh... It hurts so good... my body and legs are still aching now after 3 and a half hours (maybe 4 - time flies when you're having fun?) of non-stop amatuer dancing. My neck still suffers a slight muscle strain due to bad sleeping posture (so tired and drunk that I could hardly move) and hangover. But still it feels good. Now I understand why people like to go to the gym for a great workout. At least for people with clear and focused purpose of what they want to achieve at the gym. You'll never regret having done exercise, but you'll always regret not exercising. And my idea of a great workout is clubbing-dance to sweat it out, and some alcohol to get the heart going... (I am sure Alex agrees with me when it comes to alcohol .. :P)

I had a clear and focused target when I went to Poppy yesterday. I wanted to dance. It's been a long time since I could do that and I wasted no time. I started dancing even though the rest claimed that they weren't drunk enough to dance yet. And when I was drunk enough, I was already doing "pole dancing", much to the chagrin of my 2 cousins. They threatened to disown me until they found the fun and wonders of "podium dancing".

There were some Hong Kong guys who tried to be friendly, and I was soooo worried....Yeah, they have intentions on hitting on us, it was so obvious, but that was the least of my worries (as cousin brother was there to provide protection).... I was more worried that they would drink up our liquor hahahahah... One of the girls, who tried to be friendly towards them, ended up being lashed by Kenson during our tea session. She mentioned that she hated Hongkies (due to Edison Chen) but Kenson retorted, "But your behaviour just now doesn't seem to project that! You seemed as if you wanted to marry and emigrate to Hong Kong!" The poor girl was so embarassed but then again we were all drunk and should not be held liable for whatever we say. Furthermore, Simon was there to cushion all our sacarsm... *wink* *wink*...Anyhow, everything we said or do was done in good humour, not meant to ridicule or embarass anyone...

It was a fun night. However, it would have been more complete if Switzerland hadn't lost to Czech Republic and if Turkey didn't lose so much to Portugal. Must be all Simon's fault for betting on the same team that we did. ha ha...

*Euro 08 results:
Switzerland vs Czech Republic 0-1
Turkey vs Portugal 0-2

The beginning of the end...?

Ummm... I am having those weird feelings again... Maybe it's due to the time of the month. I am leaving the country for a few days soon but I don't have a good feeling about it. I am going on a holiday and usually I would've packed days or weeks earlier but it's 2 days till departure day and I haven't packed. Hmmm... the word departure here sounds so gloomy, doesn't it? I don't know. Must be mid-life crisis again. There's some weird intuition that I might not make it back...No, not because I have any clairvoyance or precognition powers but I don't know why I have these negative thoughts. I am usually happy-go-lucky, but there's a weird feeling that my charms won't work this time.

Actually, I can't possibly go yet... There are still so many things I have yet to do... I haven't bought enough insurance, and... I haven't used up all my money yet... and worse, my beneficiary is going with me on this trip... Oh gosh, I need to send my will to my lawyer again.... just in case.

Hmmm....Need to slap myself a bit... or perhaps go for a cold shower...(editor's note: Eh, I thought cold shower is to reduce horniness?) and wake up a little from this silly self-inflicted depression of mine...

Oh, oh....I suddenly remember to answer one of the questions that many have asked me but I never got around answering,... The question: Why do I blog?... This question came from both young and old, especially those digital immigrants, or non-technology savvy people.

Well, the answer is simple... I am a verbose person. I like to talk... I like to write... I like to share... I like to be detail... I like to express myself or explain things explicitly... . And most importantly, if I ever leave this world in a sudden, people won't be lost for words for my obituary. People can't say they never got to know me... because by reading my blog, you would've gotten to know who I am... well, at least 50%...

This is such a gloomy entry. Think I will end it here... The End... (pun intended) hahahhah

Roller Blades? At this age?

I can't believe I did it... Am I having a mid-life crisis?? Ha ha, I don't know but I sure had hell of a fun time when I did it. Umm... can't say the same for S though... She's good at it... and definitely enjoyed it... until somehow she decided she wanted to try something new... the brakes... and she ended up landing on her knees and then later her bum... Oppsy Daisy... but she's fine or so I hope... coz she keeps blaming me for her predicament... and wanted me to carry her to the car or piggy back her home etc etc... But I am sure she'll be fine... Age is on her side... (She's 3 years younger, so should have better recovery rate, eh?)

Earlier during a tea session with the guys, unsure whether it was out of care or jeer, they discouraged me 100% saying that I shouldn't be doing this at my age... Mr.MyHump reminded me that I would feel out of place with all the school kids (since it's the school holidays). LV taunted that I shouldn't scare the kids and Key warned that it's dangerous to do this as it takes a longer time to heal at our age. MC even gave me examples of his lady friend who had a cut on her face while roller blading! MissD24 was so afraid that I would force her to go with me that she quickly went home. I almost chickened out but then I thought, "Hey, if I don't do this, I don't think I'd ever do this again. Who'd be spontaneous (or courageous) enough to go with me when I am much older?"

Boy, am I glad that I went ahead with my plans...as it turns out that we had the whole rink to ourselves! The other 2 skaters were internal workers trying to either practise or show off their stunts. As S and I skate around the rink, with the wind blowing on our faces and hair, the non-stop flashes from the disco globe, the loud but not irritating hit songs blaring from the speakers, I can't help but giggle to myself, and think of yesteryears when I had to sneak out to go roller skating... even though the roller disco, as they were called in those days, was just opposite my house! Memories of winter ice skating in Oxford comes to mind too (I can't even remember the name of the Vietnamese guy (Hung?) who took us to the rink).

I can never forget all those falls and injuries that was part and parcel of the skating outings... the worse one resulted in a slipped-disc on my backbone where my mom thought I was going to be paralysed! (Actually, I was almost paralysed by her nagging and grounding). And the most embarassing was falling down in a mini skirt at Sunway skating rink. It was embarassing because I screamed and the DJ commented that "Oh, another one bite the dust!" and spins that song just to spite me... (Just for the record, I fell on my knees so there wasn't any show to see... And who'd dare to see anyway when I had a menacing guy friend with me threatening to dig the eyeballs out from any roving eyes. ha ha)

Anyway, I am glad I survived all those falls and picked up after myself quite well. And I am also glad that I didn't fall today (so as not to give Key the pleasure of saying "I told you so.") . The best thing about that brief 35 minutes of non-stop skating, (besides burning 300 calories), is the laughters and the tingling cheery feeling that I get inside; just knowing that I can still skate, reminiscing the old times and of course, jokes about the pathetic bump on S's behind... (hahaha pun intended).

Ok ok... enough of high. My adrenaline must be working overtime tonight, disrupting my metabolic rate and sleep pattern. It's already 3 am (and Big B is starting to protest). Goodnite... need to conserve my energy for the Indiana Jones movie tonight and Karaoke tomorrow night... Ahhhh... the days are just packed....

A gay night out...

As I tried to wake from the drowsiness that encompass my intoxicated body, vague memories of the previous night in the smoke filled lounge of Frangipani began to cloud my heavy, fuzzy head.

I really don't recall much but here are some vague highlights:

* MC and StheBuggerGirl die die wanna bring me to the gay bar FRANGIPANI even though I wanna go dancing it out at ALOHA.

* MC brought a guy friend while I brought a girlfriend (StheBuggerGirl)

* MC refused to walk beside me the whole night, making me suspect that he's gay, (but he later explained that it's because he didn't want me to outshine him....haha)

* First time I see SOOOO MANY GUYS in a club - so many that the GUYS outnumbered GIRLS.

*First time I see "men" entering the ladies with ease… And they have every right to do so. I even have to open the door to check the sign to see if I had entered the wrong powder-room.

*It felt comfortable and safe in the arms of StheBuggerGirl… And she even held my hand when we walked across the dance floor…


All in all, it was a good eye opening experience for me... amazed at the huge community but at peace with the knowledge that they have a place where they can chill and be themselves.

Crossroads

Life is truly a maze …. That’s why it’s amazing. It’s a labyrinth that takes us through endless crossroads which we have to choose our path in order to move forward or maybe stay put and be sucked into the never ending vortex of void, sometimes known as boredom, which is born out of routine cycles.

Sometimes, there are easy and clear choices which don’t need Einstein to figure out the best option to take. However, more often than not, we’re faced with extremely challenging crossroads where the path ahead is not as clearly laid as we would like it to be. There may not be street lights (not even lanterns nor torchlight) to brighten our way and it may even be a long and winding road ahead.

So do we tread along? Or do we sit down to rest on our laurels?

When we are still young, the answer is easy…. tread along we must. We were gung ho… we have nothing to lose… We don’t wait around for opportunity to come by, we just know we must seize whatever opportunity that we get. But as we grow older, we have already achieved so much more. And the more we have, the more we risk losing. And the higher the risk, the more afraid we become of losing. Money, friends, family, loved ones, social network, face, dignity…. We stand to lose all kinds of everything….

So now the question is, how do we tread along? Do we take what seemed to be the easy road at face value or do we follow our gut feelings to follow the road less traveled? Do we evaluate every single detail option until the opportunity disappear. I dont know. I dont have the answer.

Why am I pondering about all these? Is it because I am having a quarter life crisis or something? Well I don’t know either. It could be the sudden loss of a young friend recently which triggers a lot of thinking lately. It could be the various other changes currently happening in my life which has brought me onto crossroads after crossroads which made me reconsider all the options that life has offered me and all the options that I can create for myself.

Whatever it is, the answer is always in our own hands. We may not see the answer now, but we should keep on trying to find the answer. There is always an answer to everything. It is there but somehow our senses are sometimes blurred and we can’t see the obvious answer which is starring right at us.

It is times like these that many of us slide into depression. I do not deny that I am in a very confused state of mind now but I am conscious about it and I am awake enough to tell myself not to lose control. I think a lot of people go into depression unknowingly and easily lose control. Eventually they lose themselves and end up doing foolish things. Those who are lucky live to regret about it but there are those who don’t even live long enough to regret. So, take a deep breath and try to take everything in our stride....The key is never to give up. Seek and we shall find as the answer lies right in front of us. Don’t pressure ourselves to see the answer too soon, for everything will unveil themselves when the time is ripe.